TYPES OF MARRIAGE LIFE-STYLE: ALTERNATING ROLES AND DOMINANCE
A good marriage is one in which the partners adopt the roles to which each is best suited, irrespective of whether they are traditionally deemed to be ‘male’ or ‘female’ functions. No conflict arises because such a couple adopt their respective roles in a reflex fashion.
None of this means that either party is intrinsically inferior or superior — when one partner is away or ill the family continues to run smoothly because the remaining partner can fulfil the role of the absent one with ease.
But given that our society has somewhat ingrained views about male and female roles in marriage and family life this changing around can be tricky to achieve, especially if either or both have problems accepting their ‘opposite sex’ characteristics. A man may, for example, be a better ‘mother’ on occasions than the woman, and she might be a better provider for the family. In a successful relationship such notions are easily coped with because neither sees the other as having won or lost in the value and worth stakes. Sometimes, of course, both may try to be dominant or passive and this reciprocity fails. This calls for considerable care in sorting out or power struggles ensue that can be damaging to even the best relationship.
Having said this, there are times when we have to allow our partner to be dominant or passive, even if it doesn’t suit us ideally at the time. This generosity of spirit is the hallmark of the couple who are sufficiently well balanced to be able to give and not count the cost.
In a well-balanced relationship no one keeps the score but the partners work together in tandem, building up each other’s self-confidence and sharing the benefits equally. Such a couple’s marriage, based as it is on mutual respect and friendship, improves as the years goby.
In whatever way society changes, it is extremely unlikely that marriage will go away. We sincerely hope it does not because experience suggests that it is the only hope for a sane future in our culture. The natural unit of humankind is a woman and a man complementing each other’s skills, talents, resources — and happiness.
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