A SEXUAL HEALTH EXAM: DO YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE SEXUAL WHENEVER AND HOWEVER YOU WANT?
This is the mechanistic aspect of the sexual health examination. Whether or not you are experiencing illness at this time in your life, assess your ability to move, to actually “do” the things you would like to do sexually.
“I know this sounds like an excuse, but I get terrible cramps in my legs whenever I’m on top,” reported one wife. “I start out okay. Then, after a while, they start to ache at the thigh and then my feet get these terrible cramps.”
“I can’t control my movements when I thrust,” said another husband. “My back tends to go out on me sometimes, and I sort of hold back so that won’t happen.”
In these two examples, prescription of special exercises and sexual-posture adjustment corrected the problems. Following medical examination to rale out any factors that might have contributed to her cramping (always a necessary first step), this wife was told that there was no reason that she should stop using the posture she preferred. She had not tried this position in five years, but when she was taught to push her open hands against her husband’s hands as he pushed up against hers, the cramps disappeared. The problem was approached with both partners as a team, a system, and the obstacle was removed.
The medical examination of the husband revealed a kidney stone that had not been diagnosed. The doctor decided that the stone could not be removed at this time, and the patient was instructed with his wife present that any coital movements would have no effect on the stone and certainly not cause problems for a back injury he never really had.
So take a look at the ability factor, your range of sexuai motion, stamina, and incoming/outgoing stimulation capacity. My work with paraplegic patients resulted in what those patients came to call the “top to bottom and back” test. Try it yourself:
Lie down in bed alone and start at the very top of your head. From that spot, mentally and, where possible, physically with your own hands scan down every part of your body and back up again. These are the questions the paraplegic patients used, and I found that they help patients with any disease process and persons without current disease to understand the “doing” aspect of sex.
1. Can I move the way I want here?
2. Can I feel here?
3. How could I please a partner with this area of my body?
4. How might a partner please himself or herself with this area of my body?
5. How do I feel about this area of my body?
Attractive (to myself and my partner)?
6. How does this part compare to other parts of my body?
7. How has my disease or health problem affected this area of my body, if at all?
8. How has this part of my body changed over the years?
9. What is the range of capacity for this part of my body (range of motion, posturing, etc.)?
10. How could I use another part of my body to compensate for a problem somewhere else?
11. What might I do to help out this part of my body? Is there a postural, positioning, even lighting or furniture change that could help?
12. Lie quietly and feel your body as a whole. How do you feel, how does it feel to you at this time of your life?
Other mini-questions may occur to you as you explore your sexual ability. This is the “what am I able to enjoy sex with? ” part of the sexual health exam, and any questions or concerns about health should be brought to the attention of your doctor. This is not a question of cosmetics or assessment of your place on the sexual attractiveness scale. It is an opportunity to check out the “hardware” of the system before you look at the more important “software” issues.
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