COMING HOME WITH YOUR NEW BABY: DIFFICULTIES WITH COPING
Having a baby is something that as parents you look forward to for a long time. Partners often go to antenatal classes together during the pregnancy. You may shop for things such as the baby’s cot and pram, and derive pleasure from decorating the baby’s room. The labour may not be too difficult and the delivery may go smoothly. As a mother you may have the support of your partner, the doctor and the nursing staff throughout labour. In hospital the baby may seem beautiful and contented.
DIFFICULTIES WITH COPING
After a few weeks or even days at home with a new baby, your whole world may feel like it is collapsing. The baby may cry and grizzle, and wake several times every night. You feel exhausted all the time and you may have both started to doubt whether you are doing things the right way.
This scenario is very common with parents of newborn babies, especially if it is your first baby, or where previous babies have been ‘little angels’. The contrast between the fantasy and reality of having and looking after a new baby comes as a great shock to many parents. Most become very tired and may have very little or no energy left over for anything except looking after the baby. This can make you both very tense, and this is made worse by sleep deprivation and the inability to find time to relax. You may lose your appetite for food, and sometimes even for life in general. This tends to affect the primary care-giver most, but places a great strain on the relationship with the partner as well, who usually has to hold down a full-time job. The baby’s continual demands can make parents angry and anxious about their ability to meet all their baby’s needs. You may find yourself frequently
in tears, having tantrums and sometimes directing outbursts or anger at your partner, the baby’s grandparents or anyone else who just happens to be around at the time. More often, however, there is quiet despair, a sinking feeling, a feeling of just not coping.
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